Pirates Of The Caribbean: At Worlds End

"Meh" is a strong word, and its not completeley appropriate to use when describing PotC3, but only just. A couple of things elevate the film above "mehness". Johnny Depp is amazing as usual, he's great at playing a looney, several looneys in fact, because in this chapter of the story Captain Jack Sparrow has gone a bit loopy...er. His desent into madness is illustrated by lots of versions of himself talking to one another or sometimes clucking like chickens at one another. He also seems to have aquired a strange facination with licking things, things like rocks, crabs or human brains.

Would i sex them up?

No. Yes. If I was really drunk

The other factor that kept the film above the "meh" level is the set pieces, they are quite simply spectacular, this is thanks mostly to some jaw dropping CGI. Crazy squidmen prance around all over the shop and whirpools form in the middle of the sea, you know, like they do in real life all the time...

If you look past the CGI however and take a peak at the actual plot you will probably wish you hadnt. Its a tangled mess of storylines, some from the past films and some they just randomly invented. Keira Knightly being crowned king of the pirates for instance. Not only is it anatomically incorrect because i believe she is in fact a queen, but it gives her an excuse to make long dramatic speeches about courage and honour which she is not very good at. I felt like i was being screeched at my my granny and not in the least bit did i feel like going to kick some big naval marine jobby's in the face.

This doesnt need a caption...

Speaking of kicking things, there is one person it would give me great pleasure to kick in the face. Orlando Bloom is not a good actor, he has one expression for every situation and its one of boredom. He doesnt seem to grasp the basics of acting, like when you are supposed to be madly in love with someone, you dont look at them like thier something you scraped of the bottom of your shoe. If Keira knightly was stood in front of me waiting for a kiss, it would take 3 seconds for me to be clamped on her face so hard you'd need a crowbar to remove me. Mr Bloom on the other hand couldnt give a toss, he'd rather stare vacantly into space while he waits for the next line of the script to shuffle into the front of his brain so he can murder it.

"So its agreed, we wait for Bloom after shooting and kick 7 kinds of crap outta him"

Anyway enough Bloom bashing, i wont go on any longer because most of you will probably go see this at some point and i dont want to ruin the story for you. Ill finish with a Rodent Rating (catchy isnt it).

Lemmy gives Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End - 3 out of 5 Rodents: